This writing gig isn’t for the faint of heart. In fact, it feels a lot like it might feel to try and climb the mountain in this picture….intense. First, there’s the clawing your way through the doubt and perfectionism to produce the actual book. Then, there’s the rewriting. What stays? What goes? What needs to be rewritten? Writing a book is most definitely paralleled to giving birth. It is fraught with uncertainty, growing pains and then the moment when it is launched into the world. If you want to discover your true self, see your weaknesses in the bright light of day, then write.
Like I said…it’s like climbing a mountain.
But it is also the most exhilarating and wild journey that can set the soul on fire. Nothing makes me feel more alive than sitting down and penning the words Jesus has written on my heart. If you write, you get what I’m saying. If you don’t write, then just think of the thing you are most passionate about and how you feel when you are doing it. You don’t do it because it’s easy. You do it because you can’t not do it.
That would be where I find myself.
I have been on a wild rollercoaster ride the past couple months. I didn’t share much about it specifically because I needed a minute. I needed a minute to cry, to pound my fist against the wall, to wrestle with God and ultimately come back to that place of surrender which is where my journey started to begin with.
Within the span of a couple of months, I received mountaintop news and valley deep news in regards to my publishing journey. I’m choosing not to go into all the details because I don’t want to cast negativity on anyone, but I do want to share my journey with you because that’s my calling: to be vulnerable in everything. When I reach the goal of holding my story in published book form (which I know is going to happen because I know what HE has said to me) you will all know that it wasn’t a bed of roses getting there – that it took a lot of character development, faith, and perseverance on my part to see that dream come to life.
Now that I’ve had time to process it all, I find myself not at all surprised. Of course, it’s going to be hard. Of course, it’s going to take me pushing through the lies and doubts and leaning into His voice to see his plan unfold. That’s not disappointing or defeating news, either. Hard is not a place separated from God. Hard is where he meets me. Hard is the only place I see his strength manifested in my weakness. If it comes easy, I’m tempted to take credit for the success. There is a deep, abiding in Him that comes in the hard. I have seen that time and again.
I know him deeply because of the hard things.
There are two prayers I have prayed daily since this whole dream started unfolding in my life years ago. The first is that Jesus would move in ways so that he receives all the glory through my journey. The other prayer, which admittedly has sometimes been more of a hesitant whisper, has been that Jesus would continually purify my heart.
The one fear I battle with the most is that I will let pride destroy the beauty of what God is doing through me. I’ve seen firsthand the fall that comes from pride having its way. Even gifts given by God can become idols, if we aren’t careful. So, I pray fervently for Jesus to be the only one to receive glory for everything in my life.
It’s all for him and his kingdom, anyway.
I left for our family vacation a couple of weeks ago battle weary, but I’ve returned refreshed and reminded of the truth: I’m in the palm of his hand and he is faithful to fulfill every promise he gives. That means I keep going. I keep writing. I keep pursuing. I keep fighting for this vision he’s given me to see women set free of shame and fear because HE entrusted it to me. He entrusted it to me because he knew I would fight for it, keep going when it was hard. I can’t not do this thing before me. It was written in my DNA when He formed me in the womb. He has always known I would come to this place.
He did not relent in his pursuit of my heart and so I will not relent in the pursuit of that which he has placed inside of me. I will pursue him, his presence, his glory, and his vision for me. Even when it’s hard, I will press in.
What about you, friend? Are you finding your dreams harder than you thought they would be to pursue? Are you tempted to quit? Don’t, friend. Don’t quit. Rest in the promise God has given you and be confident in his faithfulness. The greatest gifts always come through the deepest pain and the hardest work. The Father is eager to provide for you, in every way you can think of.
Keep climbing, friend. When you reach the top of that mountain, you’ll look down at the valley below, and you’ll decide it was worth the hard work of climbing so you could stand there next to Him at the top. Oh, what a view there is from the top!
We can climb impossible mountains when Jesus calls us to climb. We can trust him to climb with us and supply our every need…
all the way to the top.